i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
