I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
