The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
