At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
