yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
