I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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