I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
