More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
