I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've blown a few things in my day
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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