it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
