so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
