I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
