Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
