she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
