We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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