She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
