i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
