In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
