Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You ruined the universe
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
