I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
