just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
