i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
