People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize