3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
