Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
