I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
PANTIES FOUND
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
