Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
