It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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