I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
