I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Buhtt sex?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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