we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
