So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
