that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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