I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize