Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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