I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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