Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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