Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
