Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
