Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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