My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
