He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
