Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
