They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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