The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
