Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
