the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is my gift to your gina
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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