I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
