This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
