Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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