Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i came on her dog
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
