I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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