The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
