Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
