He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
