nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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