Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
