turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Come see our sink grown plant.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
