Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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