Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
