Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
