you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize