I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
