You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
