she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
