When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
