I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize