why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
