I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
