The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
